Before the year 2002, I had never even heard the word autism. And when I did, I had no idea what it meant. I didn’t want to ask for fear of seeming insensitive or nosy. But I was curious, especially since this was something that affected someone that was coming into my life. A beautiful, little boy of five.
I tried having conversations with him and he wouldn’t respond. But he did know I was there and he came to accept me. He would listen and follow instruction although he never responded with words. I felt special, in the sense that I had the chance to meet someone so pure. In time, I watched him grow and had the opportunity to witness how marvelously intelligent he was.
Then I lost contact and haven’t seen him for years, but often I think of him and how great a soul he had. And I think of other children that are affected by this illness. How they are largely misunderstood because we are not informed and we can be judgemental. Instinctively we tend to blame parents for not “controlling” their children, when we perceive them as misbehaving, not understanding how much more they have to work and the situation that they’re in.
As with many childhood illnesses we have a lot to learn, but what I learned the most is that these little ones have a lot of love to give and it is simply, without a doubt, honest. So, today, in honor of those little ones I went blue and I am glad that my co-workers joined me and that by spreading the word we can maybe, just maybe, add in the effort to help and provide a better living environment to all of these families that need to be helped and understood.
It has been a while since I have made the time to write on here. My time has been consumed by family responsibilities, work, baseball and the works of my second novel. And just this week I was asked, if I wanted the privilege of joining a support group that concentrates in helping victims of abuse.
I wondered, at first, why me? Why was I being asked to join? The answer was, because of my positive outlook on life. And I thought, that’s a joke. Having grown up with severe emotional abuse I find it very hard to stay uplifting, much less find the words to lift someone else. This aside from not being what is normally considered a “very sympathetic” person.
I’ve always been of the mindset that everyone fends for themselves, and that those that attempt to be altruistic are only fooling themselves, because not everyone wants to be helped. However, this has given me the chance to dig a little bit deeper. To find out what I’m capable of.
Victims of sexual abuse are given a chance to talk to others that have been through the same situation and they can support each other. Whether the attack was from a boyfriend, spouse or complete stranger, saying no means no. When those pleas go unheaded it affects more than the person that has been attacked. Not only is their life completely altered, their family dynamics are also unsettled.
So, in this first post I guess what I’m trying to say is that, no matter how difficult a journey we must walk, in the end we can be strong while the attacker continues to be a monster. They will never be free but a victim can learn to fly. We are all building a foundation and coming together to give strength a face. We may be damaged but we are NOT broken. And we are beautiful.
Often, when reading a different book by the same author, I ask myself how it is that they have been able to create characters that are completely different from one another as well as the story lines. I always assumed that it would be extremely difficult to create a character that has different characteristics and not go back to what is already written.
Now, I am in the creative process. I finished one book and I’m in the process of writing a second book. And I’ve got to say, that one book is completely different from the other. Words are different, plot is different, and characters are different.
The creative process is exciting. Once a story starts taking shape in ones mind those special characters guide us along telling us what they’re feeling and living. I know that sounds crazy but for all of you that are writers, you will understand. We must give a true voice to those voices in our heads.
Let’s keep creating and weaving worlds that will hopefully reach the right people to help them feel good or just right.
Have you ever written anything that physically drains you? That moves you to tears even though you know that you are the one weaving the thread?
I have been told, by my husband, that I put “too much” into my writing. That I try too hard. What’s my response? I want people to read what I write and identify. To have the need to reach for that box of tissues or two. To feel a constricted heart and sympathy.
All of my writing is not sad or tear-jerking, I do have some comedic pieces. But the story occupying my mind write now is one laced with loss and grief. I am searching the depth of my characters bringing out, or trying to bring out, who they are.
I want everyone that reads my male lead character to struggle with love/hate feelings. That’s how complex he needs to be. Therefore, I must become him so that he is believable and real.
“When writing a novel, a writer should create living people, people not characters. A character is a caricature.” — Ernest Hemingway
I have a hard road ahead of me, but a very interesting one at that. I can not wait to finish this story and have it ready to present it to you all.
There was a point and time, when I was growing up, that I envisioned my life as an adult. I knew that I would marry and have children, although I never gave much thought to how many or if I prefered boys or girls. I just knew I wanted a family.
And then the time. Never, in my wildest dreams could I have come up with the family that I have been blessed with. Starting with my husband, who has learned or is attempting to learn, the art of putting up with me. I can have a very difficult temperament and even so he doesn’t seem to mind. I’m sure I irritate the heck out of him, and sometimes I push his buttons enough to where we have an argument, but in the end all is well.
Then came our kiddos. Two handsome boys and a darling girl. Those kids light up my life and give me a reason to be someone better. They give their love unconditionally and accept me as I am. They teach me something new every single day, and I don’t know if I am shaping them or if they are shaping me. They can be very hard headed, adamant and strong willed, but also loving, kind and soft. All of these traits, I hope, will turn them into well rounded adults.
I wish I could say that my life has turned out to be a fairy tale. That my kids will turn out perfect. But, I know that is not all true. I just hope and pray that I can do good by them and maybe, just maybe they can be happy. I know for a fact that they have filled my heart and it beats steady and happy thanks to them.
I am very fortunate to be a mother to these little ones and a wife to my honey.
I wish for the same for everyone. True love is sometimes hard to come by. We can’t dream it into reality and we can’t pretend, but we can search until we find it. And when we do, never, ever let go.
This is a topic that I have been giving quite some thought to lately. How it is that our minds and bodies can combine and recognize certain reactions to attribute them to a certain feeling. Love, hate, fear, excitement.
For example, let’s disect love first. How do you recognize it? When you see something, or most likely someone that you love, your body reacts by speeding up its heart beat, by making your skin flush or by sweating up your hands. Those are just some of the most common symptoms. But there is a scientific explanation to this phenomena. According to Science Daily, our bodies release an increase of blood flow to the pleasure center of the brain and this aids us in falling in love. So, technically, we fall in love with our brains, not with our hearts. Although it is our hearts that are sent a fluttering.
There is also a scientific explanation to faithfulness. It is the hormone oxytocin that is attributed to this. That is because it is considered a bonding hormone, that when released in our brains, it makes our partners more attractive. This in turn turns us away from other people promoting faithfulness. Dopamine is also released, and this controls attention and focus, making our loved one the center of our thoughts.
So what are other symptoms that you have fallen in love?
- loss of sleep
- loss of appetite
- a high level of excitement
- a surge of energy
Of course these are not all the symptoms but they are the most common. And to think that it is our brain that is controlling our bodies reaction and giving us the signals that it likes what it sees. How crazy is that?